If you Don't Love Me, I Will Die

Chapter 52

TN: This chapter is the reason it took so long re-editing. I understood how the author divides his text, but I learned how to spot it quickly with this. Now that’s what you call progress.

“Is this what death feels like?”

On the way back to the mansion, I buried myself deeply in the car seat and lightly closed my eyes.

Exhaustion had accumulated all over my body after traveling around the Empire for a week.

“My Lord.”

When Lorendel called me, I raised my right eyelid slightly and saw a bundle of documents before me.

“... What is it?”

“It’s a reservation payment for the new model.”

I turned my head to glare at Lorendel, but she wasn’t facing me to begin with.

I sighed and accepted the documents.

I knew there was no point in venting my anger on Lorendel.

It was because of the big fuss that had happened when I entrusted Lorendel to negotiate on my behalf.

My body had to suffer because of an accident of adding one more zero to the contract.

Since then, I strictly prohibited Lorendel from signing any documents on my behalf.

“I can’t even rest even if I want to.”

After about an hour of repeatedly reading and signing documents, the thick stack of papers had suddenly diminished.

Forcing my heavy eyelids up, I looked out the window.

Surely, when we departed, the sun was setting,

but now darkness had fallen outside the car window, and the stars twinkled.

I yawned deeply, wiping away the tears that welled with my palm.

Then, my hand brushed against the scar on my cheek.

“....... ”

Though a week had already passed since Ania pointed the knife at her own neck, trying to commit suicide, it still vividly remained in my memory.

The crimson bloodstain on the gleaming edge of the blade still seemed to emit a faint odor of iron, lingering at the tip of my nose.

What could possibly drive Ania Bronte to sacrifice her own life just to enter the Radner family?

Was my wealth so enticing that she would forsake her own family?

No...

If that were the case, she wouldn’t have attempted such a foolish act as taking her own life.

Yet, it couldn’t be dismissed as a mere act.

Had I not intervened with all my might, the sharp blade would have pierced Ania’s throat.

It was a narrow escape.

A long scar was left on Ania’s throat where the blade had grazed her.

It was larger than the scar I received from smashing my plate...

Thinking about that scar made me feel strangely uneasy.

It wasn’t just because of the commotion of her attempted suicide,

but also because of the unconcealable scar on her delicate neck.

She likes to tie her hair up, so her thin and pale neck is always seen,

So, the crimson wound always reminded me of the day.

Just the thought of it left me with a hollow feeling in my heart, and I let out a bitter laugh.

It was truly ridiculous even to think about it.

I couldn’t kick her out of my house, and I also fretted over the scar on her neck.

It was truly a pointless regret.

She was a woman I once sacrificed my life to save, so I didn’t think I would easily forget her.

But I still reminisced about the past.

As I sifted through my memories, a distant past came to mind.

The night we returned from the Earl of Roland’s ball.

The night I saw Ania Bronte’s face, wearing a lonely expression as she listened to the nobles’ gossip,

And the night I brushed her hair aside.

Even on that night, just like today, the bright stars adorned the sky.

Why does that memory come back to me now?

“Ah... Edward.”

She called out his name over and over again.

It felt as if he was right beside her.

His soft hair cascading down, his deep, mysterious eyes, the line of his back when viewed from behind, his legs tapering down elegantly in a suit, his mature yet alluring scent...

It felt like he was right there with her.

Although he felt different from the Edward two years ago, he was still Edward.

“My... My Edward.”

‘Isn’t this what you wanted?’

‘Is this not the love you know?’

However, when the image of Edward in her imagination suddenly grabbed her wrist roughly and pushed her away, Ania was startled and quickly pulled her hand back.

As if a chilly breeze had swept past her back, her once heated and damp body cooled instantly.

A sense of fear crept in.

Edward was like a candle before a breeze.

Even a momentary distraction would make him waver and flicker as if he would be blown away.

The thought of his heart being swayed by another...

It sent a shiver down her spine.

“Edward.”

Her heart thudded heavily.

With an uneasy heart, Ania leaped off the bed and made her way to Edward’s room.

With sweaty feet, Ania walked as if on marble floors, her pace urgent.

Reaching Edward’s bedroom door, she slowly turned the knob.

Silence enveloped the room, meticulously arranged like the man himself, as a familiar scent wafted through the air.

“... Goldenglows.”

Moving slowly, Ania approached the desk in the corner of the room.

It was an air freshener made from goldenrod extract.

“Edward...”

Her anxious heart raced even faster as the scent lingered in her nostrils.

Edward loves me.

Despite his harsh demeanor, he didn’t want any scars on my body.

He likes the scent of goldenglows, which I love, to fill his room.

Now, she couldn’t control herself.

Her chilled body warmed up once more.

As if entranced, Ania approached Edward’s bed, her right hand... left hand... even her knees gently advancing toward him.

The scent of the man lingered sweetly on the bedspread.

The face of the man she had only imagined now lay before her eyes, peacefully asleep like a child.

Ania reached out her hand.

She lightly brushed Edward’s cheek with the palm of her hand.

She felt his warmth.

He didn’t run away.

He didn’t leave.

Edward’s heart was slowly changing.

Sooner or later, he would want me so much that he couldn’t bear to leave my side.

“...!”

At that moment, Ania trembled as she felt the strength on her wrist.

In the darkness, Edward’s head turned slowly.

Ania’s hand was held by his rough hand,

and Edward’s eyes flashed.

“What are you doing here?”

His gaze was cold and calm.

Too much so.

Meeting his gaze, Ania finally realized that her fantasy had shattered, and she was facing reality.

Translator’s Corner

The author’s note is kinda weird(?), so read at your own discretion. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

-Ruminas

Author’s Note:

When I read a book about child psychology, I learned something new.

It was about children who don’t receive enough affection tend to touch their genitals more often than those who did.

Isn’t it interesting how anxiety, desire, and deprivation are correlated?