HBWnovel Chapter 6 - 6 An Ogre’s Guide to Babysitting Idiots
Chapter 6 - 6 An Ogre’s Guide to Babysitting Idiots
Chapter 6: Chapter 6 An Ogre's Guide to Babysitting Idiots
The cave was alive with the sound of snoring—a deep, rumbling chorus that made it feel like I was trapped inside a drum. I sat near the entrance, poking at the glowing shard in my hand, wondering if I could get it to do anything cool like summon a mini laser or a tiny robot. Instead, it just sat there, smug and uncooperative.
"Some legendary artifact you are," I muttered, tucking it away ( ̄_ ̄)
It's basically useless at this point and I still don't see the need for it.
My moment of peace didn't last long. From the darker corner of the cave came a loud CRACK! followed by the unmistakable sound of someone swearing in ogre-speak.@@@@
"Oi, runt!" Grumpy's voice echoed through the cave, breaking the precious silence.
I sighed. "What now?"
I turned to find Grumpy—or rather, Dumbo McScowls-a-Lot—cradling what looked like a badly bruised hand. He'd apparently been trying to crack open one of the Glowshroom stalks I'd brought back, only to learn the hard way that they were as tough as stone when dried out.
"You brought back useless junk!" he growled, throwing the stalk at me.
I caught it mid-air and smirked. "Useless junk? Watch and learn, o mighty genius."
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Step 1: Show Dumbo how it's done
Glowshrooms, you see when freshly harvested, are soft and chewy—perfect for eating.
But when they dry out, though, they turn into sturdy, glowing rods, which made them ideal for crafting. Of course, explaining that to Grumpy was like trying to teach a rock how to do calculus which is annoying so no.
Instead I pulled a shard of Luminescent Mycelium from the pouch and rubbed it against the Glowshroom stalk.
Sparks flew, and within seconds, the stalk softened like butter.
"There," I said, handing it back to him. "Now it's edible."
Grumpy stared at the softened stalk like it had just insulted his mother. "How'd you do that?"
"It's called thinking," I said with a grin. "You should try it sometimes."
He muttered something under his breath but took a bite, his eyes widening in surprise.
"Get used to it," I replied, brushing off the tears on my eyes. "I'm full of surprises."
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Step 4: Secure Your Spot at the Top of the Food Chain
By the time the chaos died down, the Glowshrooms were gone, and the ogres were all lying around like overstuffed cats. Even Grumpy seemed too tired to complain anymore.
"Alright, runt," Scarface said, leaning against the cave wall. "You've proven you're not completely useless. But don't think this makes you one of us."
I smirked. "Oh, I don't want to be one of you. I'd rather be the one in charge."
It would be fun and maybe I can be lazier if I did.
His eyes narrowed, but before he could respond, a loud roar echoed from the forest outside.
The ogres tensed, their eyes darting toward the entrance.
"Sounds like dinner's ready," I said, already grabbing my club made from the bones of last night's dinner.
Scarface chuckled. "You're crazy, you know that?"
"Maybe," I said with a grin. "But I have skills, remember?"
Let me be arrogant for a while...
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Step 5: Repeat Steps 1–4 Until They Stop Being Idiots
As the ogres followed me out into the moonlit forest, I could feel a strange sense of accomplishment.
I mean sure, they were still a bunch of overgrown toddlers with anger issues, but they were my overgrown toddlers now!
And if I could turn this ragtag group of misfits into something resembling a functional team, then maybe—just maybe—we'll have a shot at surviving this crazy world unlike before.
"Alright, boys," I said, raising my club. "Let's go show that forest who's boss."