Throne of Radiance

Chapter 110 Who Am I Ⅱ

After meeting Xu Jian, Bai Yi came to the eastern suburbs of the city again.

Unlike the growing prosperity of other places, this suburb seems to have not changed much from 50 years ago to the present. In this ever-changing metropolis, it is like an old part that is out of place.

Large expanses of soil covered with gravel are laid out on the open field, and there are still traces left by past wars. Occasionally, rusty bullet casings and metal pieces can be found under the turned over soil.

Large tracts of trees grow wildly in this wilderness that no one pays attention to. Behind the shadows of the trees, with the gray-blue sky as the background, the gray-white walls of the Seventh Hospital can be vaguely seen.

Next to it is the Happy Orphanage, which is being rebuilt.

The roads in the suburbs are not easy to walk, so Bai Yi took a taxi and got off near the road beside the woods.He was walking on the forest path that he had walked countless times in the past, and the shadows of the surrounding trees that blocked the sky and blocked all the sunlight, gave him a particularly deep and cold feeling.At the seventh hospital at the end of the path, the gray and white walls that had not been renovated for many years appeared in his sight.

He looked up, and the shadow of the tree hit his eyelashes.

From the time he could remember, Bai Yi never thought he was special. The identity of his biological mother, his experience of being born in the No. [-] Hospital, he was always wandering between dreams and waking up, receiving all the time from other people. The mental noise... All of these, in Bai Yi's view, may be the same for every child born into the world.

For him, the "Seventh Hospital" is the epitome of this world, all kinds of strange patients, doctors and nurses in white, they are a normal part of this world.

Therefore, it was not until he was sent to kindergarten at the age of four or five that Bai Yi realized that this world was not like this—in the eyes of the world, the place where he lived since he was a child was actually an abnormality that deviated from the normal, and he was never the same as other children .

For adults, even if they have never been to a place like a "mental hospital", their first reaction is chaos, disorder, and various negative evaluations.

But babies come into this world as a blank sheet of paper. Good and evil, black and white, normal and chaotic, there is no difference in their eyes. They are probably the people who can treat all things equally.

If babies are told from the beginning that fish fly in the sky, they will not be surprised, they will just accept this common sense as a matter of course.And Bai Yi, who lived in the Seventh Hospital since he was a child, even though the director, doctors and nurses tried hard to isolate him from the patients, his innate talent for the rhythm of all things let him instinctively learn too much from the patients. common sense".

When Bai Yi left the "home" of the Seventh Hospital for the first time, entered the new environment of the outside world, and used his "common sense" to communicate with other children's "common sense", the mutual understanding of the world and "common sense" "The deviation quickly made him an "abnormal" in the eyes of others to a certain extent.

——It was only then that the old dean realized that Bai Yi, who was thought to be isolated by them in the safe zone, was still unknowingly influenced by the patient.The growth environment of the Seventh Hospital greatly hinders children from establishing a correct cognition consistent with the outside world.

Under the forcible correction of the old dean, Bai Yi finally understood what is wrong "common sense" and what is correct "common sense", which are the behaviors that a normal child should have and which are not. Imitating the normal children in the kindergarten, I quickly integrated into this "normal" world.

But the influence brought by his talent troubled him all the time. When he was in the noisy kindergarten, he "seeed" the simple, pure but strong and straightforward emotions of the children around him, like colorful paints splashed on All around, on the way home, I passively perceive the flashing thoughts of passers-by, bright or deep, fiery or turbid. In the familiar No. [-] Hospital, I habitually listen to the thoughts from the whole hospital, which are changing all the time. Disordered mental fluctuations... All of these remind Bai Yi that he is still the "abnormal".

——Not only is he incompatible with the normal world outside, even in the Seventh Hospital, a world that is considered abnormal by the outside world, he is still an "abnormal" incompatible with it.

——Then, you have to pretend to be more "normal".

this is very simple.

Excellent grades and appearance, as well as a peaceful and non-problematic personality, made Bai Yi a good student in the eyes of the teachers since childhood, although some complications caused by long-term insomnia made this good student seem not to adapt to the noisy environment of the school , prefers to be quiet and alone, and staying in a noisy environment for a long time will negatively affect his mental state... Whether it is elementary school, junior high school, or high school, everyone who has received a similar diagnosis from a psychiatrist or a hospital institution Teacher, he only has pity and love for this well-behaved and obedient student, and it is only logical to keep reducing his pressure and often indulge him in asking for leave.

Having grown up in the No. [-] Hospital and seeing various patients with rich experience, Bai Yi knew exactly what kind of performance he should use to induce the psychologist to make the diagnosis he wanted.

In this way, he has opened up an alternative "quiet place" for himself in this "normal" world full of chaos, noise and pollution.When he needed to, he could get away from it all for a while, to be alone in peace where no one could find him.

And the only inseparable connection between this world and him is his mother, Bai Xin who lives in the depths of the No. [-] Hospital all the year round.

Although they are mother and son by blood, Bai Yi didn't spend as much time with her as the old dean.

Because the other party's identity as a mental patient is doomed not to allow her biological son to stay by her side every day and communicate with her for a long time, which violates the concept of the healthy growth of children's mind and body in the universal values.

In fact, if it weren't for Bai Xin's lack of relatives and no reason to be entrusted with, the identity of the child's biological father would be even less clueless. Even the happy orphanage that Bai Xin lived in before was located next to the No. [-] Hospital, allowing a child to stay with his biological mother Growing up in a mental hospital is already considered by many to be something that shouldn't happen.

But the resources in this society are not enough to give Bai Yi a better placement, the old dean is already his best choice.

Therefore, Bai Yi's impression of his biological mother is actually not deep.

He used to think that there was no difference between his mother and other patients, they were all thinking differently from ordinary people, which formed part of the chaotic side of his world view since he was a child.

In the rare time we spend together, the other party seems to be in poor health. Most of the time he is recuperating in bed. He is quiet. The doctors and nurses are also very cooperative when they make diagnoses, and they can do whatever they want, as if they are indifferent to everything in this world. don't care.

It's like someone standing outside the book, reading the characters in the book.Or the player who plays the game faces the data NPC in the game.

Only when she looks at Bai Yi, her eyes are no longer empty and plain like outsiders, but bright, gentle, and full of expectations, but this kind of emotion is not only a mother's love for her child. His love, more... as if he is the only real person in the world in the book, the only player surrounded by data NPCs.

No, the expectations seem to be higher than that.

When I was a child, Bai Yi even had the illusion that Bai Xin was an outsider who fell into a book, a player who was stuck in the game and could not log out, and he was the author of the book, the GM of the game, and the only one who could help the other party. Get rid of the illusion and return to the "God" of the real world.

Moreover, it is worth looking forward to, a "god" who has not yet grown up.

A mother actually regarded her son as a god.

This sounds like a strange thing to do.But if you think about it from another angle, it doesn't seem so strange.After all, many parents in this world, living in the lowest trough and covered in the silt of troubled times, always like to regard their children as their hope of redemption, imagining that when they grow up in the future, they will take themselves to the peak of glory.

As for Bai Xin's expectation, maybe he hopes that Bai Yi can take her out of the No. [-] Hospital in the future and live a more free life?

——Whenever they saw Bai Xin's special attitude towards his son, the doctors and nurses in the Seventh Hospital couldn't help but think so.

Bai Yi's thoughts are different from theirs.

Before he could remember, he always loved to dream, turning into many people in his dreams, entering many worlds, and always being unable to control the perception of other people's emotions and thoughts. I told my mother all about it.

For a child who does not understand most of the common sense in the world, he doesn't think there is anything wrong with him, he just thinks that every child is like this, and when they grow up, maybe they will stop having those dreams and feel Less than those strange emotions.

And Bai Xin asked him not to mention it to others, otherwise, he would be locked up in the No. [-] Hospital forever and could not get out.

Mental patients are not always in a state of illness, and Bai Xin's exhortations when he is awake are taken to heart by the young child.

——Although at that time he didn't feel the terrible punishment of being locked up in the No. [-] Hospital, this hospital was already a big enough world for him.But I have seen those patients who were taken back to the room when they got sick, and the time to go out to relax every day was limited, and I also saw those medicines that my mother took that were not tasty at first glance... Of course, Bai Yi did not want to experience these treatments.

And when he was a little older and realized that he was special, his mother looked at him with eyes full of expectation and hope all the time, so there was another interpretation.

He knew the cause of his mother's hospital admission, delusional disorder.

Presumably, Bai Xin, who has delusional symptoms, must firmly believe in what he said, and perhaps treat him as a superpower protagonist in similar novels. It is no wonder that she looks at the world and him in such a special way.

Bai Yi has always thought this way.

It wasn't until after the nightmare game system came and too many overlooked details appeared that he suddenly realized that maybe there was something he had overlooked, and there were secrets in Bai Xin that he hadn't penetrated.

——Whether to find out the truth or not, Bai Yi doesn't care in his heart.However, since the advent of the system, the reminders given at certain moments are undoubtedly guiding him on the path of discovering the truth.

Then, it doesn't matter if he complied once.

He has determined that the creator of this game system is himself.And in this world, there is no one more trustworthy than yourself.

Putting aside so much hesitation, Bai Xin met the old dean who had made an appointment in advance, and found all the medical records of Bai Xin after he was admitted to the hospital nearly 30 years ago from the old dean.

Crash.

In the voice of the case being turned over, there was the old dean's rambling: "This child seems to like reading books since she was a child. When she was in the orphanage, she liked to hold fairy tale books every day, and often took things in fairy tales seriously. Later, she began to read books. Tell the children in the orphanage the fairy tales I made up. It is said that the stories are very vivid, and the children like to listen to them. The teacher in the orphanage also thinks that she has a talent for writing stories... But later, everyone discovered that something was wrong. "

"...she took her story seriously."

"...The characters in those stories are all regarded by her as her good friends, no, it should be said that she regards the whole world in the stories as her friends. She began to become a little nervous, and kept saying that her friends were going to die, Something happened, and the world in the story was going to be destroyed, she asked every child, every teacher, every volunteer in the orphanage for help, begging them to save her friends and the world that was about to be destroyed.”

"It wasn't until this time that the orphanage realized something was wrong and sent her here for diagnosis. Unfortunately, it was too late."

Bai Yi flipped through the medical records silently, listening to the old dean's narration with two minds.The old dean's summary is basically consistent with the medical record, but the content written in the medical record is more detailed and specific.

The fonts familiar to the system began to appear in mid-air.

[Important clues for special reality missions x 1 have been obtained. 】

[The special reality mission has been triggered. 】

Bai Yi blinked her eyes lightly, thoughtfully.

He thought of the thick ink-like deep sea, the densely packed star fragments that filled the deep sea, and the lonely star...

"Perhaps, she's telling the truth. Is she really... asking for help for her friends?"

The mother's pale face on the hospital bed in childhood flashed past, followed by the pair of shining eyes full of hope when looking at him.He seemed to understand for the first time what his mother expected from him.

A trace of emotion that he had never felt before slowly emerged in his heart, and for the first time, Bai Yi had the idea of ​​wanting to achieve a certain goal.

"... Am I the savior she expected?"