【Xun Si】How Could You Possibly?

Chapter 8 Part 8

He doesn't hate them.Toji, Asuka, Kensuke—all his friends.Even if they were really dull at times, he never really disliked them.Even though Rei wasn't as venomous as the other three, these four didn't really make him feel like he belonged.Maybe it has its own reasons, after all, he has not been candid enough-but at least they didn't involve Kaoru in the first place.

When alone, he often thinks like this.He was distracted by loud crowds and heavy classes at school, but when he got home, it only got worse.It's like some kind of memory hallucination, thinking about the same thing every day, and thinking exactly the same, as if entering some strange circle.This is not good. Day after day of doubt and speculation, gradually become numb, and finally give up thinking completely.He will be exhausted.

Kaoru is different.

He was like a breath of fresh air into his lungs, Shinji could truly feel his numb and humble heart becoming alive little by little, he liked this unique person, so unwavering.Even though the boy knows almost nothing about Shinji, he may really care about him—what he has seen and felt with his own eyes, the pure care in every word and deed, the undisguised truth in every smile.By Kaoru's side, everything is so...warm.

He couldn't think of Shu very much.

Kaoru's music is beautiful and brings him back to life.Shinji has come to the conclusion that Kaoru's music may just be the cure for his insomnia.He is no longer as easily tired as before, and his mind is more peaceful.

He came to him more often, as the patient needed the next course of treatment.He had stayed with Kaoru after school for several days in a row, and sometimes he would take the initiative to let Kaoru discover his existence, and then the two talked freely.Sometimes he would rather hide in the back of the room, watching and listening quietly by himself.He wasn't sure if anyone had noticed his behavior, sneaking around corners to eavesdrop, and sneaking away sheepishly before the performance was over.But when he was out there, in that big, big sound room...maybe once or twice, he accidentally cried.His mouth and nose were firmly covered with both hands to ensure that no sound would disturb the boy's playing.

He wasn't sure whether he felt more fear or pleasure for himself who was so deeply addicted.

"Why are you so...so amazing?" Shinji asked one day.He sat next to Kaoru on the piano bench, which had become his default exclusive seat.And, of course, Kaoru is playing a new melody in his creation.Jot down the notes that come to mind, pause to think about it now and then, but never for too long—it's like being able to read Shinji's thoughts, and whenever he wants to let him continue, the slender fingers continue to lighten on the keys Jumping, the beautiful tune flows out again.

"Practice. And I like to play the piano," was an incomplete reply, temporarily devoting more energy to writing than Shinji. "I...wait..." strike out, revise—"If something makes you happy, you should do it as much as possible, right?"

"Ah."

After this conversation, there was a short silence, everything was quiet, only Kaoru continued to play the piano and compose the music, those intricate notes and chords sounded so harmonious and beautiful.

"Is this—is this for class? Our project?"

"No, I created this by myself." Kaoru pulled out completely from the creation, took his hands off the keys and put them on his knees to rest for a while. He smiled and turned to look at Shinji on the right. "You're the only one who's ever heard of it."

He blushed and looked away immediately.This reaction was like a pattern, and he followed it forever when talking to Kaoru...he was sure Kaoru had noticed, but wasn't sure if he should say anything, or ask him.

"I—that's really—thank you, um." Unlike the calmness on the surface, after knowing that he was the only one who heard this song, a sense of pride in his heart was rapidly expanding .Only a faint, shy smile on the corner of his mouth released a message.

"How do you like it?"

"I love it-!" Shinji exclaimed, leaning forward with his hands on his knees, his eyes sparkling. "You're amazing, I—I love hearing you play so I...I came here. Listen to you." He sat back again, embarrassed by his rare outing.

"I'm grateful." Kaoru responded softly, her voice more emotional than ever.He turned sideways and leaned over Shinji.

Shinji swallowed.

"I love it when you talk to me like this..."

He couldn't help closing his eyes, pinched his fingers into a ball, and was so nervous that his pants were almost scratched.

"I feel so happy, Shinji."

The boy's breathing became rapid, and he lowered his head slightly, his eyes and mouth closed tightly.His body was heating up, and he felt like he was about to be ignited, as if wrapped in ten blankets.too close, too close too—

His thoughts were completely confused because of what the boy said just now, but he realized that a piece of moist lips pressed against his own, and the light touch was like the touch of a dragonfly, so light that he could hardly feel it until——

until the kiss is over.

He still didn't dare to open his eyes, couldn't react at all - except for his smoking cheeks, he felt like his whole body was about to melt, and then dripped onto the floor, turning into a pitiful little puddle.

"...Shinji?"

Someone was calling his name, bringing him back to reality, and only then did he realize that he had forgotten to breathe—seeing the dazzling light again, his eyelashes trembled violently, his lips parted slightly, deeply Breathing can relieve the tense air, but when his eyes were successfully focused and he saw Kaoru's worried eyes in front of him, he realized that deep breathing didn't work at all.Now he was really going limp, he couldn't look away, and he didn't have the strength to avoid it.He is already a bird in a cage.

"Are you ok?"

"you you……"

"Sorry, that's not what you wanted."

Shinji stared at him with wide eyes, his mind was completely messed up, and he didn't know how to react.

"You kissed me?"

"Yes."

There's an awkward silence, and the tension builds up -- but there's nothing bad about it.It's like -- both boys are wondering, what's he going to do next?Shinji couldn't stand such a long wait, anyway, sooner or later someone would have to speak, so he decided to take the lead.

"Can I do it again?"

A brief pause.

"if you are willing to……"

Then--