After the apprenticeship, I became a hater

Chapter 131 "I'm Cang Yu's Xie Wan, Not Your Taoist Companion Xie Wan"

"I really miss you, Wanwan..." Luo Wuchen whispered with a tired face.

My heart seemed to have been hit hard, and my body froze.

Luo Wuchen hugged me, his body trembling slightly, I guess it might be because of the cold.

Because his body was icy, with a chill all over his body, without the warmth of a living person at all.

After I left the frozen lake, he stayed in the frozen lake all night.

I don't know what he did when he stayed in the frozen lake, and I don't know what he was thinking that night.

But obviously, he recognized me.

It was his "Xie Wan" who recognized me.

My heart constricted severely.

Is it just because of the guidance of the soul contract of the Taoist companion?

The guidance of the Taoist soul deed is only a vague direction, how can it help Luo Wuchen confirm whether I have recovered the memory of "Xie Wan".

When did Luo Wuchen find out?When did you see me on the frozen lake?

The answer is actually pretty obvious.

Because Luo Wuchen loves "Xie Wan" deeply, as long as I appear in front of him with my memory restored, he can recognize me even with just one glance.

Thoughts surged in my mind, I gently lowered my eyelashes, the expression in my eyes was complicated.

In the past, I never understood why I was so entangled and uncomfortable because of a Luo Wuchen who I had only met once.

Obviously in my memory, I have never had such an indecisive character, but after meeting Luo Wuchen, I became so concerned about gains and losses.

Both want to approach, but also want to escape.

The heartstrings are pulled by the person at the other end, it hurts when you are close, and it hurts when you are far away.

Obviously my reason and the experience of "Xie Wan" tell me clearly that Luo Wuchen is not a suitable partner.

If I give my heart to him, I'm afraid I will be lost again.

But when I really want to make a clean break, I am reluctant to part with it.

"Xie Wan" who loved Luo Wuchen has already died once, isn't this lesson enough to wake me up?

Enough is enough, my heart slowly tightens.

I should make a clean break with Luo Wuchen, otherwise... I will just repeat the same mistakes.

It is true that now that I am away from the outside, I can clearly see that the reason why "Xie Wan" will go to ruin is not just because of Luo Wuchen.

It may be the easiest and simplest way to blame all the faults on Luo Wuchen.

I don't need to think too much, I just need to hate Luo Wuchen.

When the hatred reached its peak, I could no longer spare the slightest effort to discover the love hidden deep in my heart that would not fade away.

But I can't.

My rationality told me that the death of "Xie Wan" was pushed step by step by fate, it was the right way, it was the evil way, and it was the common harm of the whole cultivation world to him as a remnant soul.

Even, there is also the impetus of Sangluo Mozun, whom I have been longing for.

"Xie Wan" is just a strand of incomplete soul, the way of heaven will not tolerate him.

His future, the road ahead, will only get muddier and more bumpy.

His ending has long been doomed, and thinking about it carefully, Luo Wuchen can't be blamed entirely.

The existence of Luo Wuchen only shortens the path of "I" to perish. As an incomplete soul, "Xie Wan" is doomed to die young.

"I" didn't understand at that time, why "I" would die because of giving birth even though I had made all the preparations and was obviously not injured.

Now, I finally know why.

The dystocia is not only because "I" conceived a child with a male succubus, but also because a wisp of remnant soul cannot support the birth of a new life with a complete soul.

Forcibly giving birth to a child will only lead to an earlier death.

If it is said that in the early stage of "my" fate, Luo Wuchen accelerated the demise, then at the end of "my" life, it was Luo Wuchen who held "me" and tried to prolong the little life left of "me" .

I know everything.

But I still stopped because of fear.

Between Luo Wuchen and me, there are many high walls, one higher than the other, stronger than the other, difficult to climb, difficult to break.

"Wanwan——" Luo Wuchen's eyes were as deep as a pool, and when I met his eyes, I suddenly felt like I was about to be sucked in.

I subconsciously looked away.

"Wan Wan..." Luo Wuchen hugged my waist, rubbing the tip of his cool nose against my shoulder and neck, he whispered in my ear, repeating himself repeatedly to not leave him.

My feelings for Luo Wuchen are too complicated, and my heart knot makes it difficult for me to accept him.

But every time, when I made up my mind to let go of the past, and wanted to give up, as long as I saw Luo Wuchen's cold and affectionate face, all the determination and all the ruthless words would be thrown away by me.

For me, Luo Wuchen is a poison that has no cure.

Once stained, it is difficult to quit.

The more I realize this, the more I want to stay away from Luo Wuchen.

Maybe by being a little farther away, not seeing him, not hearing his voice, I can no longer be shaken by him, no longer bewildered by him.

"Demon Lord Ling Jue," I tilted my head, pressed against Luo Wuchen's chest, and slowly pushed him away, "Our relationship is not close enough to hug."

My hands were shaking, but my voice was unusually calm: "Demon Master Ling Jue, please respect yourself."

Luo Wuchen hugged me tightly and refused to let go, he said stubbornly: "You are my Taoist companion, the Taoist companion recognized by the Dao of Heaven..."

I feel uncomfortable for a while.

"Wanwan, I beg you, don't leave me." Luo Wuchen's eyes were full of uneasiness and hesitation, and his tone showed weakness and pleading.

My lips trembled slightly, "I'm not."

"I am Xie Wan from Cang Yu, not your Taoist companion Xie Wan."

Luo Wuchen's eyes were red, and he said in a hoarse voice: "You clearly remembered. You clearly..."

"What did you remember?" I fixed my eyes on Luo Wuchen, slowly curled my lips, and said coldly, "What nonsense is Ling Jue talking about?"

Luo Wuchen trembled all over, and hugged me so tightly that it almost broke my waist, making it difficult for me to breathe: "You promised me—"

My pupils shrank, and my vision blurred for a while.

Yes, I promised him.

That was before "I" was about to give birth, before Luo Wuchen fetched the elixir for me, "I" made a promise to Luo Wuchen.

"When everything is over, let's start again. 』

But Luo Wuchen didn't wait until "I" kept the promise.

Because "I" died on the day Chang'an came into the world.

How can a dead person fulfill his promise.

My heart was pulled into a ball, my eyes were sore, and I was about to cry.

Luo Wuchen's eyes showed unconcealable sadness: "You promised me..."

I looked at Luo Wuchen who was so sad, and my heart couldn't stop throbbing.

After a long time, my eyes finally regained their focus.

I raised my head, looked straight at Luo Wuchen, and said calmly: "The Xie Wan who promised you is dead, I am not that Xie Wan,"

Luo Wuchen's eyes no longer had any brilliance, but only a dead gray color, as if they were covered with a thick layer of dust.

I slowly and persistently pushed Luo Wuchen away.

I pushed Luo Wuchen away, many times.

"

Under the design of "I" and Chickadee, "I" left Luo Wuchen's side and fled to the Demon Realm.

During this period, Luo Wuchen came to look for "me", many times.

But each time, he only got "me" sarcastic remarks.

At that time, "I" was covered in thorns all over, and there was only hatred for Luo Wuchen's entanglement.

"I" hates him for refusing to let "me" go, hates that he obviously doesn't love "me" but wants to marry me forcibly, hates that everything he does to "me" is just for his way.

"I" was full of resentment, but I was stubborn and refused to reveal the slightest thing in front of Luo Wuchen.

I just feel that once Luo Wuchen discovers my sadness, "I" will lose.

"I" thought that I had lost enough miserably, and just wanted to save face for myself as much as possible.

At that time, "I" was blinded by prejudice, and couldn't see my own heart clearly, nor could I see Luo Wuchen's clearly.

Looking at Luo Wuchen, "I" said indifferently: "It's a pity, I don't follow your so-called way anymore, everything ends here, you take your Yangguan way, I take my single-plank bridge, from now on I won't see you again."

Luo Wuchen's eyes were slightly red, and his eyes were full of sadness, but he still looked at me stubbornly: "I don't want my way, I only want you."

At the beginning when he said that he wanted to heal "me" and marry "me", he seemed to sound so sweet, but in the end, wasn't it all just nonsense, empty talk?

Believe it once, and already make "I" bruised and embarrassed, believe it again, what should "I" give in exchange?

He didn't say he liked "me" back then, so he wanted to take "my" life to do his own way.

Now, what does he want from "me"?

Once bitten, twice shy.

Now, he says he likes it, how dare "I" believe it.

"I" didn't pay attention, just backed away slowly, and then resolutely turned and left.

At the last moment when "I" turned his head, "I" saw his blood-stained face, almost devastated as if he had lost everything.

This is the most embarrassing time I have seen him since "I" got entangled with him, just like when "I" left Zetianzong in embarrassment.

But what did he lose?

It's just an "I", and it's still a lunatic who has no feelings for him.

Thinking like that, "I" left without any hesitation.

……

Luo Wuchen kept "I" humbly again and again, he wished he could cut his heart open and let "I" know that he really liked "I".

But "I" never believed him once.

"

In the past, scene after scene flashed before my eyes, my eyesight was full, but it seemed like I couldn't see anything.

The Luo Wuchen in "Xie Wan"'s memory slowly overlapped with the Luo Wuchen in front of him.

My eyes slowly turned from confusion to clarity.

Stripping a relationship is far more painful than stripping yourself of your guts.

I am not as brave as "Xie Wan". I have many ties, and I am timid, afraid that the decision I made is wrong, and I am afraid that I will not be able to bear the corresponding consequences.

Therefore, I have always chosen to escape, in the past and still am.

I knew it was such a stumbling block, so how could I not know each other?