After the apprenticeship, I became a hater

Chapter 54

Extreme sadness, strong despair, confusion, grievance, pain...

I can't count how many emotions are intertwined, squeezed, and burst in the sea of ​​consciousness in my heart, weaving into a thicker gray mist and engulfing me.

My expression inevitably fell into a trance.

"Let me go……"

Why can't you let me go?

I knew I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong from the beginning, my existence was a mistake, I shouldn't... I shouldn't be alive.

Better to die...

Instead of struggling to live in such pain.

It is better to die.

All efforts are meaningless, and there is only an abyss at the end of the abyss.

I am too weak and useless to save myself.

I'm weak and useless...so no one will save me.

My cry for help will only be disgusted and noisy, and the traces left by my struggle will only be disgusted and dazzling...

It would be better to die than to be clean.

It's like being on an empty cliff, only the abyss follows you, and you can't get out of it.

I trembled uncontrollably, and cried out in despair: "Luo Wuchen, kill me..."

Luo Wuchen's face was ugly, he just hugged me tightly in his arms, but he refused to show me any mercy.

"Death..." I muttered blankly, "Kill me..."

I feel like a duckweed in the ethereal world. I can't find a piece of soil that can stop me and rest. I can only drift with the current in the hurricane and the current, drifting and wandering without stopping.

Time and space are meaningless.

I was abandoned and isolated from the world.

I couldn't see where I belonged, and I couldn't see hope.

There was a buzzing sound in the ear, and the strong and hot blood was hitting the eardrum.

I covered my ears, feeling like I was going crazy.

"Xie Wan!" Luo Wuchen called me, but I didn't want to talk to him.

He never listens to what I say.

I don't want to listen to him either.

unless……

He is willing to kill me.

I turned my face slightly to prevent Luo Wuchen from appearing in my field of vision.

"Xie Wan," Luo Wuchen held my finger tightly and said in a deep voice, "I won't kill you"

For some reason, his voice seemed to be squeezed out of his throat, difficult and difficult.

I slowly moved my gaze to Luo Wuchen.

is it?

But you might as well kill me.

I pulled my hand out of Luo Wuchen's palm expressionlessly.

In the mirror, my ruddy face turned pale from eating. I looked at myself in the mirror, and no one could smile.

If you can't laugh, don't laugh.

It doesn't matter, I don't want to live anyway, and it doesn't matter if I'm a little willful.

My gaze rests on myself in the mirror.

I'm looking at him, and he's looking at me.

Suddenly, I seemed to see him smiling at me.

Cold, mocking, with the deepest malice.

【Why do not you go to hell? 】

【Do you even have to rely on other people's charity even in death? 】

My pupils moved slightly, and I looked into the mirror.

I saw that my face... was blank.

It is an illusion.

But the voice that sounded in my mind was so clear, it didn't seem like an illusion at all.

[Don't you even have control over your own life and death? 】

【Cowardly, incompetent, sad. 】

I turned pale and clasped my fingers nervously.

He was right.

I am so useless.

There was a voice from nowhere in my mind, it was everywhere and pervasive, the tone of voice was unidentifiable, but it was strangely familiar.

I couldn't remember for a while, where exactly I heard this voice.

This familiar feeling made me instinctively willing to listen.

Gave me an unfounded urge to give credit.

[Xie Wan, why can't you be more confident? 】

[Whoever bullies you, you will pay back double.They want to force you to die, you kill them.You know how to shrink back when encountering things, and you still stick to your self-righteous correctness until now. You are a demon, and succubi are also demons. Why should you demand yourself by human moral standards? 】

[Do whatever it takes to protect yourself. The reason why you can't move is not because of your weakness, but because of your stupid perseverance, no matter what the cost is, only strong power can guarantee that you will no longer fall into passiveness, no longer fall into despair fundamental. 】

[Xie Wan, do you understand? 】

"I..." I blinked slowly, and my voice was so low that it could hardly be heard.

【I should take revenge...】

【Yes, you should use an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, comfort blood with blood, and return lies with lies. 】

Blood... Lies...

The soft part of the heart is embedded with small and long thorns, the pain is not obvious, but it is hard to ignore.

My panting became rapid, and the breath that came out of my mouth became hot.

"I should……"

How to do it?

"Thank you Wan, thank you Wan..."

I smelled the cold breath from Luo Wuchen's body, my nose, throat, and even my lungs seemed to be frostbitten...

Ah, it's Luo Wuchen...

It turned out to be Luo Wuchen.

I feel sick.

"Don't... touch me..." My teeth were chattering, my voice was intermittent, and I was so weak that I would die in the next moment.

My vision is slack, everything in my field of vision has become upside down, it seems that the whole world is constantly rotating.

The body and the soul seemed to have been separated into two unconnected parts. I felt that my body was falling, but my soul calmly watched my body fall in the air.

It was a light fall, as if the whole person was immersed in the cold lake water, buffered by the water waves, the sinking speed was not fast, just sinking, sinking, sinking...

All the while, it sank to the bottom of the lake, connected to the abyss, that dark place where no light could be seen.

Consciousness began to become fragmented. What I saw and what I heard became chaotic and disorderly, as if everything reflected in the disturbed water surface began to distort and gradually become blurred.

【——】

The voices around my ears became silent.

I slowly close my eyes.

Darkness comes.

And I, greeted with joy, threw myself into the darkness.

……

It seemed that someone was talking in a low voice, hazy and ambiguous, and only a few vague words were vaguely captured.

"He... is a demon... is difficult to suppress... needs... to postpone the grand ceremony..."

"...can only suppress one..."

I knew the owner of that voice through the hazy mist.

Yes……

Qin Qing, the master of Danfeng.

What did Luo Wuchen bring him here for?

It won't be for me to heal again, right?

My consciousness fluctuates in the gray boundary between black and white, the black area is slowly spreading, and the boundary between good and evil is gradually blurred.

During the ups and downs of consciousness, I vaguely felt that someone lifted my neck and fed me some kind of slightly bitter liquid.

The speed at which the black area spread slowed down and gradually stopped.

The voice of the conversation became more and more indistinct, and I could no longer grasp any clues, and I was unwilling to return to the dark silence again.

Devil...

My... Demon?

……

I regained consciousness amidst a buzzing sound.

My eyelids moved and I slowly opened my eyes.

I felt dizzy all over, and my head was very dazed and very unclear.

Strange, seems to have forgotten something important.

I propped my forehead, the sea of ​​consciousness was aching, the memory before coma was hazy, no matter how hard I tried to recall it, the recalled memory was broken, sporadic fragments.

A conversation in sleep is like a messy dream with no beginning and no end.

But... I subconsciously held down my lower abdomen, but the liquid I swallowed still had a faint, undissolved effect of the medicine.

My fingers trembled slightly, it was not a dream.

Luo Wuchen found Qin Qing.

And feed me some kind of elixir.

"Magic..." I murmured unconsciously.

Suddenly, I was stunned.

It turned out to be the case.

No wonder I feel familiar with that voice.

It turned out to be the case.

The reason why I feel that voice is familiar is precisely because I can hear that voice every day, whenever I speak.

It was my own voice.

And the owner of that voice is——

My demon.

So, at that time, I was a demon in my body.

And the medicine that Luo Wuchen gave me was probably to eliminate it, no, it was an elixir to suppress the demons in my heart.

After all, I am no longer a human being. As a demon, I am more likely to be controlled by demons than humans, and it is also harder to get rid of demons completely.

My guess was quickly confirmed.

In the evening of that day, Luo Wuchen gave me seven identical porcelain bottles and told me to take one bottle a day.

I glanced casually over the porcelain bottle, looked at Luo Wuchen, and asked, "What is this? What is it for? Why should I drink these?"

This time, regarding my inquiry, Luo Wuchen finally did not choose to hide it.

But only this point of growth.

Luo Wuchen told me that the elixir he told me to drink was the Delusion Pill that could suppress my inner demons. He also told me that he was going out to get something. He said he would help me get rid of my inner demons and make me relax. , don't worry too much...

It's a pity that Luo Wuchen has changed from being taciturn in the past, and said so much, but to me, it's just a bunch of useless nonsense.

I didn't care about anything he said.

not to mention……

Why do I get demons.

It's not that Luo Wuchen doesn't know the reason.

Both he and I are well aware of this reason.

If it wasn't for Luo Wuchen, how could I have been forced to make this choice, and how could I have let myself be controlled by my demon in despair.

I don't say it, just because I know it's useless to say more.

And why did Luo Wuchen choose to remain silent? Was he evading or turning a blind eye?

I don't know.

As for Luo Wuchen wanting to find a treasure for me to get rid of my demons,

It's just self-righteousness for my own good.

I didn't want to hate him.

I really wanted to be nice to him.

pity……

"Luo Wuchen..."

I looked calmly and shouted.

How can I not hate him?

He ruined me.

all.

My life, my beliefs, all of me.

I hate him so much.

Seeing Luo Wuchen turn around, I smiled slightly at him.

"I'll wait for you to come back."

I lowered my eyelashes slightly, and my neck curved softly.

My posture is as docile as a lamb, and my voice is light and soft.

Only I know how many evil thoughts are surging in the soft and harmless skin under the illusion of docileness.

【——I'm waiting for the news of your death, I wish you a happy death without a burial, and don't come back again. 】

Luo Wuchen promised me seriously: "I will give you the best."

What a pity.

The smile on my face grew softer.

What you gave me, I think it's dirty.

I don't want your stuff, and I don't want you.

I only want you……

to die.