Beipai Tomb Raiders Notes

Chapter 527: The Mad Taoist Priest Drinks a Lot of Shit and Talks About Love

"Shit brother! You..."

Shit Wuchang's mouth was bleeding. He waved his hand and said to the crazy Taoist priest who was standing at the door and stretching, "I was completely defenseless, Taoist priest...you are not afraid of sneak attacks from behind with your Vajra Palm."

The crazy Taoist priest still had his hands raised in the air. Hearing this, he immediately pointed at Shit Wuchang and shouted, "You are trying to sneak attack me!"

"Hey, besides, it was you who attacked me by surprise! Why are you blaming me for it?"

"Brother Shit, stop talking... find a way to calm him down first." I ran over and whispered.

"Get off!"

Shit Wuchang suddenly pushed me away because the crazy Taoist priest had already rushed over.

He was just about to respond with all his strength when the crazy Taoist priest was attracted by the paper figures placed in the yard.

The crazy Taoist priest looked left and right, and suddenly pointed at the paper figures in front of him and said loudly: "The golden boy and jade girl are very smart! They live in the Crystal Palace of the South China Sea! Guanyin Bodhisattva went to attend a meeting! She made a mess at home! She drank wine! She broke the cup! She broke the golden cup and jade vase! I drove her out of the palace in anger! She came quickly on the clouds and mist! She was reborn into a certain family! I named you Fairy! I named you Fairy Boy! You must serve the master loyally! If you dare to make a mess, I will whip you and ask you! Let's see if you will learn your lesson!"

He then recited the previous paragraph loudly: "Open your eyes! Brighten your eyes! Open your mouth! Eat delicious food! Open your ears! Listen to the eight directions! Open your nose! Smell delicious food! Open your feet! Follow your master to the west! Help your master sleep and wake up! Bring your master steamed buns and soup! Guard your master against disasters and difficulties! Bless your descendants with long-lasting blessings and fortune! Today and at this moment! Open your eyes! Laojun in heaven! Hurry up and obey the order!"

After reading the words "Ji Ji Ru Lv Ling", the crazy Taoist priest dipped his finger in saliva and gently pressed it on the forehead of the paper figure.

The next second, the paper figure that was originally standing against the wall suddenly bent and fell to the ground.

The crazy Taoist priest immediately lifted up the paper figure and let it stand against the wall again. He smiled and said, "No thanks, no thanks! Although you are a heartless paper figure, you are much kinder than many flesh and blood people in this vast world!"

I walked up to him and asked carefully, "Master, you asked me to prepare these paper figurines. There are twenty of them in total. You blessed them. Should we burn them now?"

He whispered to me mysteriously, "Not now... You have to wait until midnight... You have to wait until the black and white ghosts come to your door before you can burn it."

"Oh...it's still early now, would you like to eat something, Taoist Priest?"

He stroked his beard and said, "I have been fasting for more than ten years and don't need to eat, but if there is wine..."

"Yes! Taoist priest, just tell me what kind of wine you want to drink."

He sniffed and suddenly walked towards the west room.

Shit Wuchang and I followed immediately.

He followed the smell and found the bottle of "Jinglu Wine" he used last night. He unscrewed the lid and started drinking it in big gulps.

He drank a lot in one breath, smacked his lips, and then carried in a washbasin from under the window.

As I watched, the crazy Taoist priest took a bottle in each hand and quickly poured more than a dozen bottles of different kinds of tonic wine into the basin and mixed them together. The basin was half full. The color of so much wine mixed together changed to dark green.

Then, without even a second's hesitation, he sat cross-legged on the ground, picked up the basin and started drinking.

The way he drinks scares me.

Shit Wuchang and I looked at each other, both with horror in our eyes.

"Come on! Why not sit down? Let's drink together!" He suddenly looked up and said to me.

"No, no! I can't drink it! Taoist priest, you have a huge capacity, please drink more."

Just kidding... Who would dare to drink this? I guess even the drunkard from Linquan would shake his head. It uses Jinglu wine as the base wine, mixed with ginseng wine, deer antler wine, various whip wines, tiger bone wine and leopard bone wine. If I take a sip of this, I'm afraid I'll faint.

After drinking from the bowl for a while, the crazy Taoist priest suddenly said, "It's a bit thick. It would be better if we could add two bottles of sake."

Shitless said, "I have some in my room. I'll get it for you right away."

Soon, Shit Impermanence brought three unopened bottles of ordinary white wine, and the crazy Taoist priest happily poured the three bottles into the basin. He waved his hands at the two of us and said, "Go away! Go wherever it's cooler! Don't disturb me from drinking!"

We were kicked out and I asked Shi Wuchang whether he was sober or confused.

Shit Wuchang thought for a moment and said, "I think he is one-third confused and one-third awake. No normal person would drink like that."

I was speechless and said, "If he drinks it all, won't he sleep for a week? That bowl weighs more than ten kilograms. If it were all replaced with Maotai, even if I have some money, I can't afford it."

Shit Wuchang laughed and said, "What can we do? Even if he wants to drink the nectar, we have to find a way to get it."

We were joking. The crazy Taoist priest was my aunt's savior. Not to mention drinking some wine, no matter what request he made, as long as we can do it, we will definitely find a way to satisfy it.

The crazy Taoist priest drank until dark, and I felt like drinking too.

I asked Shit Wuchang for a bottle of ordinary white wine, but he said there was none left in the house and if I wanted to drink it I had to go out and buy it. I said forget it if he wanted to buy it.

We made a pot of hot tea and sat on the big millstone to drink it. I asked him about his future plans.

He said, "I want to take Yu Yu back to Jiamusi. The climate here in Chun'an is relatively humid. In comparison, the Northeast is more suitable for recuperation."

I said, "She hasn't left for decades. She has deep feelings for Qiandao Lake. If she doesn't go back with you, will you stay here?"

He thought for a moment and shook his head. "I can't stay here forever. The mental hospital is very important to the Changchun Society. I need to guard it there. I think I can convince her, just like I convinced her to go to Sichuan with me last time. The world is so big, you can't stay in one place all your life, right? It would be better to change the environment occasionally."

I said, "That's because you think it's good. To be honest, how can the scenery of Jiamusi compare with Qiandao Lake? The climate there is not too dry. Besides being more convenient for traveling abroad, the surrounding Shuangyashan and Yichun are both poorer than each other."

After hearing this, Shi Wuchang said firmly: "Anyway, I don't like staying here. According to tradition, women should follow men in this regard."

"You are so traditional! You said Jiamusi is better than Qiandao Lake, which is just an excuse! You just can't let go of the Changchun Club, your title as the best master of the Changchun Club, and your own rights and status."

"You are talking nonsense! I have already killed two of my three corpses. Those false reputations and gains are nothing to me!"

"Okay! You said you killed two corpses. Now let me ask you, are you still interested in that aspect?"

"I didn't kill the corpse yet! Of course I'm interested!"

I scratched my head and asked, "Have you tried it?"

His face turned a little red and he stammered, "I...I...I haven't really tried it yet."

I patted his shoulder and sighed: "Hey, don't try. I'm giving you advice from someone who's experienced this. You'd better keep it this way. From that perspective, you are a blank sheet of paper in front of her. She can paint you in any way she wants. You are the best artist in the world. You should have that self-esteem."

After hearing this, Shit Wuchang put down his teacup, looked at the night sky and said, "Boy, I don't have many friends. I treat you as a close friend, so I will tell you these things."

"In fact, when I face her, I always have an impulse in my heart, an impulse that she should belong to me. This has nothing to do with her appearance or personality. It is an impulse from the deepest part of my heart."

I was speechless and said, "What impulse? You just held it in."

"She is beautiful, good-looking, and has a good figure. Her age seems to be frozen in time. The kind of beauty that has been precipitated by time can attract even a young person like me, let alone a middle-aged man like you who has never experienced anything in life."

“No, no…”

Shit Wuchang shook his head repeatedly: "It has nothing to do with those things. That impulse...how should I put it? It's like two magnets. Maybe what the old Taoist priest said is right."

"What Master Ma said is right?" I asked, holding up the teacup.

He rubbed his face, his eyes were decadent, and he looked at me and said, "Maybe Yu Yu's original body is not a human. She is my lower corpse worm transformed."